im drinking this country out of the recession.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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