I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
