you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
