My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
