i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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