Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Randomize
