the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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