Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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