Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
