I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
