Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize