can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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