dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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