i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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