He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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