coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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