I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
