genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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