the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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