Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Bring me that man meat
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
