we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
