i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
