please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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