Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Randomize
