I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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