I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
