I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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