i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
