Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
