About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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