My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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