I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
