Someone shit on the floor
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
