So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Randomize
