I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Is Oprah even human
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Your penis caused this!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
