I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wish i was in the wii world.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
