Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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