Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
