Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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