A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
That accounts for only three of the penises
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
