You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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