Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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