Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
