Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
