So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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