worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
