I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
