Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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