covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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