if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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