I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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