were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
