The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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