How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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