Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Even my vagina gasped.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
