We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
