i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize