wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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