Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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