This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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