no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I cut my penus on the lid.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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