he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
this beer tastes like vomit already
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
