who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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