Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
