If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
