when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
