We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
