Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
