my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
