Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
