I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize