I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
