Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
