I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
