I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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