i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
