Its about making memories worth repressing
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
